I am part of a club I never thought I would ever be a part of the "I've been cheated on" club. No one truly understands the effects of infidelity until you're living it. I don't desire this pain and heartache on anyone. It's been three years yet I am still dealing with some of the wounds left behind.
Even speaking about it has its scars. The first time I decided to publish something about the entire ordeal my ex's sister attacked me saying how I was going to affect his career. Yes, she made him the victim.
For a long time, that situation silenced my voice. For a moment I thought I would never share my story but God had a different plan.
Recovering from infidelity was one of the loneliest and hardest times in my life. One thing I asked God was that I wanted good to come out of this heartache. I didn't want other women to feel lonely. God started bringing women into my life who were also victims of infidelity. I pray for them, encourage them, and reassure them that they too will overcome this heartache.
One of the deepest wounds that has been the hardest to overcome is thinking I am enough. I'm not talking about being enough for a man but being enough period. I don't think I'm good enough for God, my family, and at times for my career. My head/brain know I am enough but my heart is taking a little longer to catch up in believing the truth in that statement.
Such a simple post spoke truth into one of my deepest wounds.
"I was thoughtful. I was loyal. I would sacrifice myself and my mind for love. Because I was human. I was a friend. I was a lover. I was a woman. I was a good woman. Yet still...I was not enough for the wrong man."
I am enough. I've always been enough for God and that's all that matters. Even when I don't deserve His unconditional love He still loves me and thinks I am enough for Him.
These are words I've been repeating to myself in the moments when my anxiety tries to tell me otherwise. When doubt tells me that I am not enough for God or anyone else. When the enemy tries to convince me that I will never make someone happy. In prayer and in advice from people closes to me God has shown His truth. I am not responsible for someone else's happiness I am only responsible for my own.
God is good and He is timeless. Healing isn't going to happen overnight but in the last three years, He's healed many wounds. Faith is what kept and keeps me going in the hard times. Suffering isn't easy but knowing that Jesus suffered on this Earth makes suffering bearable because as much as He suffered He also resurrected on that beautiful Easter Sunday.
Always seek Jesus in life's hills and valleys. What a mighty Savior we have who humbled Himself to come to this Earth to suffer and die in the name of love. His love, His death, and most importantly His resurrection reassures me that I am and will always be enough.
P.S. You might have noticed I changed the name of my blog. One of the things that kept stopping me from starting was the lack of a name. Fearless Lulu was good but still didn't feel right to me. On Friday I took advantage of my hour of Adoration and asked God to give me a name for my blog.
Many of you know Lulu is my nickname but my first name is Luz and my prayer is that this blog brings some Sonlight to your life. That is not misspelled by Sonlight I mean God's light to your life even if it's just a funny story of the day. I want this to be a little light in your pocket that you can look forward to regardless of the day you're having and this is how Light in Your Pocket was born.
So thank you for being here and embracing this little light!
Comments
Post a Comment